wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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