This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
