you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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