Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ketchup is God's man juice
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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