Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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