yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
