Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
