**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
