I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
