just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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