Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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