I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
