Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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