out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
