Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
