i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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