OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
