stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
