Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
