hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
