wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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