my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
