Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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