If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
