White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
