come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
