THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
