the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
