I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
