your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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