i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
