My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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