physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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