told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
