shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
