I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My balls are so social today.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
