i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I want is dick and wine.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
