Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
