My girlfriend figured out who you are.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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