On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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