Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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