i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
