you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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