with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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