Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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