Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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