She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
