Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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