He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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