either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
