I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
