I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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