I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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