We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
