How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
