is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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