Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
