I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
