I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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