I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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