I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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