don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
