Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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