physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize