i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
