Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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