love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
