Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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