i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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