Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
