Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im six kinds of drunk right now
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
